LEX FUGIT

A RADIO ORPHAN ANNIE BARRISTER OF APPARENT DISCERNMENT

Over the course of a long and (possibly, though doubtfully) distinguished legal career, I have witnessed, though not necessarily appreciated, staggering changes in the law business.  I started law school in the late 1970s.  At that time, a lawyer could look back 40 years and say that the biggest developments in the running of a law practice were the electrification of the typewriter and the invention of “white out”.   

Things began to accelerate a bit during law school with the introduction of the copy machine: copies cut from a roll of glossy paper that would curl at both ends forever.  During my second year, Wayne State installed its first Lexis terminal in a special room in the law library.  I was afraid to touch the thing lest I cause a power outage in all of midtown Detroit (not midtown with a capital M back then).

After graduation came the fax machine, and in the blink of an eye, to me anyhow, it is now 2019.  Tech now controls the day to day life of a lawyer.  I used to wait in line to use one of the 3 pay phones on each floor of the City County Building-one of which was in an actual phone booth.  Now I can get phone calls, texts and emails on 3 different devices I carry either on my person, or in a very small briefcase.  No need to carry the standard, firm-issued catalog case to court.

In recent years the “client acquisition” part of the business has changed at a pace that would make even a software designer dizzy, though the results may not exactly have achieved the survival of the fittest.

TV ads, billboards, websites, targeted internet ads and search engine optimization are among leading avenues of attorney self-promotion (legal methods, that is), which were either unknown or not invented, a few short years ago.

My discussion today will focus on only one, perhaps minor part of the attorney aggrandizement game that I find both irritating and amusing.  And that is the “Best, Great, Top, Super” lawyer industry (hereinafter the “BGTs”).  It appears to be a fairly lucrative business for those bestowing “honors” on the limitless supply of recipients.

Most would assume that the recognition of BGTs follows a painstaking evaluation by a select committee of local experts and overachievers in the field.  The award would most often come with some sort of plaque, probably a testimonial event, and perhaps even a monetary award.  A Nobel recipient gets $1.4Million with his award, and I am sure a lot of BGTs would consider that a lot of Pazoozas. The recognition would come at no cost to the recipient.

DEPOSITIONS

 

 

 

We have all seen those lists of stupid, but true (allegedly) extracts from deposition transcripts, generally showing attorneys being less than masters of the English language, and witnesses being less than MENSA members.

I am pretty sure most of these quotes are fake, though I would like to believe this one actually happened:

Q.  "So we have a clear transcript, your answer to all my questions must be verbal. 

What is your name?"

A.  "Verbal".

Admittedly, attorneys don't ask questions well, at all times.  I used this one once.  To the question:

Q.  "Have you ever been deposed before?", I interjected.

A.  "Yes, my client was once the king of a small country in Central Europe, but he finds it too painful to talk about."

BEEN THERE