"The Beard Grows, But The Head Does Not Grow Wiser."
"Lawyers work hard and, like us, they're human, many of them."-Dick Cavett
“A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.” - H. L. Mencken
"I tell you, I'll consult my lawyer. And if he advises me to do it, I'll get a new lawyer."-Groucho Marx 
"We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can."
It is my honor to work with Rik "Mr. Wonderful" Mazzeo, and he recently uncovered this opus from the archives.
The litigants' names, the case number and the identity of the plaintiff's lawyer have been redacted, but I thought it was appropriate to leave the name of the trial judge, the immortal Kaye Tertzag, visible
This was a premises liability case brought against our homeowner client, whose guest had fled from a bee on the homeowner's premises, had fallen and sustained a wrist injury.
While Rik's mediation (the former name of the case evaluation process) summary is both inventive and eloquent, one wishes one could see how the plaintiff pitched whatever liability theory he thought applied.
According to Mr. Wonderful:
"I think that I shall never see, a thing as lovely as a bee.
Buzzing about on August 25th, it gave my heart a delightful lift.
Alas, that ever cute bumblebee, began to fly directly at me.
I turned, I ran, I spun about; I stumbled, I tripped, I stuck my arm out.
A distal fracture I did suffer; but who to blame, there must be another.
The bees, the grass, the ground down under; someone else must pay for my blunder.
But oh, I find the law does say, there was no breach of duty upon that August day.
Fortunately my wrist did heal; I returned to work and from these Defendants I cannot steal."
Somewhere, Joyce Kilmer is looking down...and sobbing.
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