A fairly new lawyer, licensed in August of 2015, has for several years, run a series of LinkedIn posts, called "Advice to Young Associates". I am not kidding. The advice contained therein is about as useful as the title is condescending. I am drawn to the young fellow's page primarily to read the latest cringe-worthy offering.
A direct quote: "Young associates: Work life balance is important. So is staying late and showing up on the weekends." End of post, by the way. Great insight. And better yet, advice you can use. Note, he doesn't say "So is getting your work done." No, it is more important to make it appear to your bosses that your work is your everything. If he doesn't notice, you can remind him on your LinkedIn page.
I will today start an alternative series, not to appear on LinkedIn, called, simply, "Advice For Litigators". I hope this will be real advice you can use in the courtroom or in Zoomworld.
Advice For Litigators-Episode 1: Just the Facts, Ma'am
If confronted in court by a member of the Black Robe Brigade, and questioned as to the accuracy of your proffered version of the facts, respond as follows: *Firstly, you may need to mask your surprise that the judge was listening.
"Judge, my presentation was merely corroborative detail, intended to give artistic verisimilitude to an otherwise bald and unconvincing narrative."
Taken from William Schwenk Gilberts libretto to the 1885 comic opera "The Mikado", this tidbit is guaranteed to stop a judge in his/her tracks. After a short pause, the judge may even thank you for your explanation, and you will be invited to continue, unconstrained by further interruption.
This advice is time and courtroom tested. It works much better than my previously employed response, taken from Curly Howard's dialog in that taut, courtroom drama from 1936, "Disorder in the Court".
"C'mon, Judgie, be a pal."
Litigators of the world and the greater LinkedIn universe, I am honored and humbled to be of service. You are welcome.
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